When you and the squad haven’t been to a club or a bar in a while, you tend to forget what’s keeping you away for so long. Then, you start to reminisce about all the degenerates that come from those nights and you quickly begin to realize that it’s probably just safe to not go out.
There are a lot of factors that go into a successful night out. If one of those factors go awry, your night is probably doomed. This article shows all the things that can, and have gone wrong on a night out and it’s incredibly relatable.
You Forget How To Do ANYTHING
When you’re really drunk and just want to eat, you forget how to do anything. The most mundane activities become nearly impossible. Heck, just walking from one end of your studio apartment to the next becomes a marathon.
Mac and cheese is very easy to make. Like, one of the easiest ever. Yet, this girl completely forgot that you have to cook the noodles first. This is just tragic to look at.
That Drunk Athletic Confidence
If you’ve ever been really drunk before, you know this drunk athletic confidence I’m talking about. It’s that feeling you have when you want to run through a brick wall, so you actually try it. Or when you feel like you can do the splits when you haven’t stretched in 14 years.
Well, this girl is feeling the effects of that. Nothing like a pulled hamstring to supplement your crippling hangover.
That’s A Night Ruiner
Some girls decide to cake their face with makeup. We all know girls who do it, and it’s nearly impossible to know who they are without their makeup. The most makeup gets applied when they’re on their way to the bar.
The fact that this girl lost half of her face into the back of a cab probably means her night was over before it even began. That’s got to be like $30 of makeup just thrown away.
The Four-Second Memory
Here’s probably what happened — he rode his bike to the bar, got hammered, decided he wanted pizza but couldn’t carry it on his bike. So, he did the smart thing and put it in the water bottle holder.
But, drunk people have an attention span of approximately four seconds. So, he forgot that he even went to get pizza and when he got home he just left it in his bike. The good news? It’s still VERY much edible.
The Face Says It All
Nothing ruins your night quicker than a drunk stranger who won’t leave you alone. When you’re at the bar and someone you don’t care for won’t stop talking about some boring topic you don’t care about, it’s a disaster.
This girl’s face says it all. It’s moments like these where you have to decide what kind of night it is. You either drink your face off so you don’t remember the horrible time you’re having, or you just go home right away.
An Absolute Power Move
Most people will look at this and say he’s really dumb. But, he’s actually incredibly smart. He saw his side chick and knew the only place his girlfriend wasn’t going to be able to block their kiss is if she’s on his shoulders.
Yes, this probably ruined this girlfriend’s night, week, year etc., but this guy is having the best day of his life. This is the power move of all power moves.
Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
Drunk people are a lot of things. They’re funny, sometimes annoying, a little bit angry, and VERY creative. Drunks will think of stuff you couldn’t dream of sober. For example, when you need to sneak in alcohol to a festival, leave it up to a drunk.
There’s a level of desperation they feel that triggers a creative mindset that is unmatched by any level of sobriety. Just look at this vodka burrito.
The Police, Hunny
In a way, we have to give this girl some serious respect. She’s on house arrest, yet she’s willing to risk it for a night out. She’s rocking that ankle monitor like it’s a Gucci anklet.
If only we all had that level of sass, the world would be a better place. People who don’t have the government monitoring their every move don’t come close to this level of confidence. Nothing is going to ruin her night out.
The Price Of A Rage
This could easily be a night ruiner. For many people, their shoes are what brings their entire outfit together. Now, this person lost her shoe in a mosh pit and made the best of it. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.
If that lemonade comes in the form of some old man’s gross shoe than you have to roll with it. You have to be able to persevere through anything life throws at you.
Staying Perpetually Drunk
So, first of all, there’s nothing wrong with what’s happening here. If you don’t feel like you need to have a drink halfway through your work day, are you really even a working professional? It’s either that or this coworker is going out every night and just wants to stay perpetually drunk.
By no means are we condoning drinking in driving, but the fact that this coworker leaves to crush some beers and down some liquor isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Being The Only Single Friend
When you’re the only single friend in your group, it’s tough. Like everything, you have to make the most out of it. You become the most vulnerable when you all hit the dance floor and you’re the only one who is dancing alone.
It’s a sad reality that this poor guy is living right now. This is more than enough to ruin your night out completely. If you don’t leave, you’ll probably hide in the corner.
Food > People
This weird thing happens when you’re drunk where your priorities change completely. You could be the healthiest person in the world, but as soon as you get hammered, you’re craving greasy food.
In fact, McDonald’s becomes your shining light. You are willing to do anything for a Big Mac or a hashbrown. The fact that this drunk person decided to have a full photo shoot with their food is not only hilarious, but extremely relatable.
Spatial Awareness Takes A Hit
When you’re drunk, you don’t have any spatial awareness. Tables that seem like they’re right in front of you are actually across the room (which is why when you grab for it and miss, you’re going to take a tumble).
This boyfriend is seeing double and has no idea that his girlfriend is directly beside him. That’s nearly impossible to do, but he’s somehow managed it. When your body is awake, but your mind is asleep, this is what happens.
Don’t Be The First To Pass Out
If you’re about to go out and you know you’re going to be doing some heavy drinking, just set one goal for yourself — don’t be the first to pass out. Nothing good EVER happens to the first person who falls asleep.
This girlfriend is lucky that this is all she got. She didn’t have to wake up with a notched eyebrow or shaved head. She should be counting her blessings that she was so, uh, productive.
What Mom Says, Goes
If mom says that it’s not happening, it’s probably not happening. No matter how “hard” you think you are, there’s nothing that will prepare you for a beating from your mom. It’s confusing, it’s hilarious, and it’s devastating.
Just ask this guy who went from getting hammered with his boys to being locked in his room playing checkers with himself for the night. That spatula looks hot and dangerous. Ouch.
Why Do People Like Brunch?
Can we just talk about brunch for a second? WHY do people feel the need to go to brunch after they blacked out the night before? Can we all just lay in bed and wallow in self-pity for a day?
No, Susan, I don’t want to do bottomless mimosa’s at noon with you after we both just took down an entire bottle of vodka at the baby shower last night.
Anywhere, Any Place, Anytime
When you’re really drunk, you’ll sleep anywhere. Even if you’re an OCD clean freak, once you get seven tequila shots into your body, you’ll have no problem going into a public washroom and taking a cat nap on the dirty floor.
This guy saw what looked like a couch and decided that it was a perfect place to lay his head for the night. It’s hard to blame him. That thing looks like it belongs to royalty.
It Happens To The Best Of Us
Studies show that over 60% of people have peed their bed because they’ve gotten too drunk. That study was done by the Bed Wetters of America, so I don’t know whether we should trust it or not, but the point is that it isn’t all that uncommon.
Look around the room you’re in right now and picture every other person peeing the bed during adulthood. It’s a sad reality that we all face.
Don’t Walk, Run
There’s really nothing more humiliating than having to do a walk of shame. Waking up early at someone else’s house, only to have to put your clothing on from the night before and somehow make your way across town without anyone seeing you, isn’t what anyone calls fun.
Sometimes you need to do a run of shame. There’s no time for walking. The run of shame should be mandatory if you’re doing it the day after Halloween. Walking out of someone’s house dressed as Jasmine from Aladdin isn’t cute.
We’ve all had them. You wake up from a blackout and realize that you did some REALLY dumb stuff the night before. You go through your text messages and make sure you didn’t text your ex.
You go to the garage and make sure you didn’t steal a bike from a stranger. Usually, you’re in the clear. But not on this fine morning. Kudos to him for having the decency to find the true owner. This is when you blame it on your drunk alter ego “Pascal.”