The dictionary definition of a mouth breather is literally, “a stupid person”. Why? Well, mouth breathers are usually seen with a blank stare on their face, their mouth slightly open, and sometimes with drool coming out of their mouth.
You know the people I’m talking about. It’s the zoned-out cashier that works at the local grocery store. Now that we’re on the same page, let’s dive into some of the most prolific MBs of all time. Please, for the sake of this article, keep your mouth closed.
Practice What You Preach
You should always practice what you preach. If you’re preaching focus, you should always be driving, uh, distracted.
If you think texting and driving is hard, just wait until you dive into a scientific book about focus while on the highway. I would very much not recommend you do that, but let me tell you, it’s tough.
Not The Most Comfy Bed
Getting into a car accident when you’re in a seat belt sucks. But, I would argue getting tossed out of the bed of a truck after an accident is probably worse.
I mean, the air bag to the face can’t be too pleasant, but a street pole to the face is probably much worse. I’m not a doctor, though.
Just Stick To Mildly Racist And Incoherent Facebook Statuses
You already know that all of these people show WAY too much of themselves on Facebook. They’re the kids from high school that you want to delete, but don’t because their mildly racist and sexist statuses are too entertaining.
I don’t even know what to say about this because it’s pretty self-explanatory.
The One Trip Wonder
We all know that person who refuses to make more than one trip. That means carrying up all ten grocery bags at once and moving all their stuff out of the house in one foul swoop.
This is a classic mouth breather who was willing to wreck their car just to prove a point.
Some parents are just mind-blowingly naive about their kids. It’s almost as if they didn’t have a childhood themselves.
It’s like when their kid comes home smelling like booze at one in the morning and they blame it on too much Listerine. That’s going to be one weird looking baby if your daughter got pregnant from a needle.
People Are Willing To Do Anything For A Lit Instagram
I don’t know what has got into people, but they’re incredibly brazen. Social media has given us a certain amount of confidence that we never had before.
This guy is willing to risk it all just to get a selfie with this cobra. I mean, I don’t blame him. It would make for a great picture.
The Classic Mouth Breather Hair Cut
You know how I said that a mouth breather doesn’t really think at all? Well, this should be all of the proof you need.
First of all, this is the most impractical haircut of all time. It would take a year and a half in the morning to do it like this, and you would always be crushing your hair when you sit in a car. Stupid.
This Tinder Date Is Happening No Matter What
When you’ve planned a Tinder date for over a week, it needs to happen rain or shine. These mouth breathers weren’t going to let a little bit of water stop them from enjoying a nice walk in the park.
Only a mouth breather would be willing to risk their life for a date on a hook-up app.
No Longer Nicolas Caged
This scuba diver got a little bit too cocky with their abilities and it looks like it’s going to bite them in the behind.
There’s a reason that they put you in a cage when you’re going to be around Great White sharks, but this mouth breather is about to get a reality check.
Not The Best Students
Being a teacher is a hard thing to do. First of all, most kids couldn’t care less what you’re saying and barely even pretend to pay attention.
Now, imagine trying to teach a couple of cobras math when all they want to do is spray you with venom and bite you.
I’m Not A Huge Fan
Mouth breathers tend to believe in things that don’t exist and never will. This one thinks that by having a picture of a fan in front of him, it’ll cool him down.
Unfortunately for him, that’s never happened and never will. They live in an alternate universe that they can’t get out of.
"It Looks Great"
There will always be a tough battle between dads and cameras. We just have to get used to the fact that they’re always going to be at war.
No father completely understands how to use a camera in general, nevermind execute a perfect panorama. This is just a classic mouth breathing error.
I don’t know about you, but just looking at this picture is hurting me physically. It should be noted for the record that a cactus is really sharp.
Most mouth breathers don’t know that, and honestly, don’t even care. She’s going to go through this pain because she doesn’t think there’s any other way to carry it.
Self Care Is The Best Care
There’s a reason that being a hair stylist is a profession. It sometimes seems like you can probably just do it yourself, but if you’re a mouth breather, you absolutely can’t.
This is what happens when you try to give yourself some “self-care”. It absolutely backfires in the most hilarious way.
Party In The Front, Confusing In The Back
You know how I said that the mohawk was the definition of a mouth breather haircut? Well, I lied. This is a mouth breather haircut.
I would love to say that this is business in the front, party in the back, but it’s absolutely not. It’s just confusing all over.
We Can’t All Be Betty Crocker
I’m sorry, but mouth breathers just don’t have the patience and creativity to be good cooks or bakers.
Take this picture for example. This attempt at a cake went from 0-100 real quick. This mouth breather took the idea of a "lava cake" to an entirely new level that not one person actually wanted.
Not The Most Exciting Cake
There’s almost never a bad time to have cake. I mean, even divorce cakes have become pretty popular.
But, I will say, a "sorry you got stabbed cake" is only something that a mouth breather could appreciate. I have so many questions about the backstory of this dessert. Tell me more about this stabbing.
He’s Had Better Days
Only a mouth breather would fall asleep on public transit when they have a full pizza on their lap.
You know what happened to Frodo’s ring when he fell asleep (it got stolen), and now you know what happens when you take a quick five with some sweaty pepperoni pizza on your lap.
Maybe Start Worrying
We all need someone around us that has that "lassiez faire" attitude about everything. It seems like they don’t worry about anything and believe that everything happens for a reason.
But, there comes a time when "no worries" isn’t going to cut it. Like, when your boat is sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I think it’s time to start worrying.
Not Everyone Can Be A Handy Man
Look, as much as many of us want to be able to say that we’re handymen around the house, we’re not.
If you can’t make toast without almost setting the house on fire, I’m sorry, but I think you should hire a professional. This picture is what happens when you let a mouth breather try to fix your bricks.