These Guys Crashed And Burned In The DMs And It’s About Time We Teach Fire Safety

We live in a world where dating and flirting are done almost exclusively online now. Whether it’s going onto your crush’s Instagram page and liking a picture from 56 weeks ago or commenting the heart eyes emoji on all of their pictures, there’s some major strategy in catching your fish online.

Sometimes, it means crawling into their DMs and giving them your best one-liner. But, like anything, a good DM takes patience, creativity, and thought. Some people are good at it, and some aren’t. Thankfully, for your entertainment, we found some of the most cringeworthy DM attempts that will make you want to crawl in a hole.

Maybe Check Your WiFi?

Twitter _ @jwzayn
Twitter / @jwzayn

When he asks you for nudes, this is a great play. In fact, this might be the new go-to option for everyone out there reading this. She just keeps sending him pictures with loading signs to make it seem like it’s his faulty connection that’s killing his buzz.

The amount of rage that guy is probably feeling while holding his phone to the sky to get a better connection is a hilarious thought.

And That’s Hard To Do

you ruined christmas
Imgur | Ififsandbuttswerecandyandnutswedallhaveawonderfulchristmas

Being alone around the holiday season can be a real drag. While everyone is sending out their family Christmas cards and huddling around a fire singing Christmas carols, our boy Taylor here is looking for something special under the Christmas tree.

Unfortunately, that something special never showed up, and now Taylor’s been left with more than just a lump of coal in his stocking. Now there’s only a week before he’ll need someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve.

Well, She’s Not Wrong

in your bra
Imgur

This guy needs to be more specific with what he wants. He was very vague with his request and it left a lot of options for this girl to take it literally. She’s not wrong by sending him a picture of her in her brassiere.

She played this guy perfectly. Living a successful life is all about exploiting the loopholes that are thrown your way. That’s exactly what this girl did.

Shooters Keep Shooting

moms vag
Imgur | Ififsandbuttswerecandyandnutswedallhaveawonderfulchristmas

So, technically what she said about coming from her mom is right, but literally, no one asked that. If some girl responds with what this girl did after asking where she’s from, you need to abort mission “DMs” immediately.

This guy took the opposite approach and asked her what state she’s in about 17,000 times which is an interesting play. It’s important to know what state the girl you’re talking to lives in, but not THAT important.

Don’t Be A Drunk Rhino

drunk rhino
Tumblr | straightwhiteboystexting

Thanks to apps like Tinder and Bumble, we basically live in a hookup culture. To go on one of these apps and pretend like that’s not what you want would be a huge lie. But, that doesn’t mean that you can just hit someone up with the grace of a bull in a china shop.

I believe it was Charles Darwin who talked about natural selection, which is very alive and well on dating apps. Only the best will get “dates.”

A Central Heating Tutorial

so cold out
Reddit | knoerifast13

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been on some pretty awkward and boring first dates. Sometimes it’s the conversation that puts you to sleep, sometimes it’s a lack of chemistry, and sometimes it’s central heating tutorials.

Can you imagine having a crush on someone only to find out that they want to know how your central heating works? Do you immediately leave the date, or do you try and stick it out to avoid paying your heating bill?

Only Flattering Pictures, Please

can you send me a picture
Reddit | neva-electra

There’s nothing worse than having some dude hitting you up for pictures. But, it’s even worse if that person doesn’t know how to put a proper sentence together without some grammatical mistakes.

This is the perfectly angled, double-chin picture that this person deserves. If they can’t even spell correctly, they certainly don’t deserve your best shot. There’s nothing wrong with hitting them with this.

So Much Confusion Happening Here

14 incher
Reddit | monathemantis

This is what happens when you text a construction worker after midnight. This conversation goes off the rails so quickly, I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, not sure what type of confidence this guy has to just show off his 14 incher when he KNOWS he’s talking to someone with lots of tools.

He put himself in a very vulnerable position. As soon as she brought up that she had a 12-incher, he peaced out very quickly. It was probably some insecurity.

The Perfect Response

twitter
Twitter / nat_andersonx

When someone hits you with a pickup line like this on Tinder, you have to be able to smack back even harder. America is the land of the free, and North Korea is, well, not.

We do have to give it to this guy for coming up with such an original pickup line, but unfortunately, he met his match. We are going to stay Switzerland-neutral on this one, but we hope this worked out in the end.

Take Me As I Am

send me a nude
Reddit / SizZle

This meme is kind of self-explanatory, but what isn’t self-explanatory is the fact that people actually like hairless cats. At what point do you want something like this roaming around your house?

Cats are going to kill us all, even the cute ones. Hairless cats are going to be the masterminds behind the cat-human coup, I’m telling you. Dr. Evil had a hairless cat in Austin Powers for a reason.

*Jumps Off A Cliff*

Hi. Hello.
Reddit | rainduck1

There are a lot of cringe things that you can say when you’re talking to your crush. It’s so easy to get carried away and start spewing out really bizarre stuff that you’re going to regret immediately after sending it.

Here’s a lesson for everyone— if you think about putting an asterisk in your texts as a way to show some type of movement, just please don’t. It’s actually disturbing to look at.

That’s Being Honest

u shouldn't
Tumblr | flying-icecream

We should give some of these people extra credit for being honest in the DMs. Like, this guy is asking the right questions about what he should want to know about her, and she hits him with the truth.

Some people are just awful. It’s refreshing to see that this girl knows how awful she is and comes right out and tells him that she’s not worth getting to know.

Good Guys Finish Last

difficult to holler at
Twitter | @candidlyjamie

Well, if you’ve been following the Tristan Thompson-Khloe Kardashian cheating drama, this conversation is probably pretty familiar. No matter how famous you are, there will still be the urge to cheat.

This conversation gives you a perfect insight into what it looks like to shoot your shot, and get backhanded in the same conversation. It’s risky enough to get a booty call when you have a girlfriend and it’s working. This is just next level idiotic.

Just Needed A Refresher

selfie edit
Twitter | @xomissmeena

This happens all the time. Let’s be honest, the reason that most of us even post pictures is to remind our crush or our ex that we exist. Every picture should be captioned, “do you remember me?”

If your crush stops texting you, that’s the perfect opportunity to slam a bikini picture on the gram. If your crush all of the sudden texts you right after, you know that the picture did its job.

Came Out Of The Gate Flying

what's your opinion
Instagram | @genesiseaston

This guy came out of the gate with a little too much speed. It’s one thing to bring up the fact that you have a wife and you’re on a dating site, it’s another thing to have it in your user name.

It’s weird to think that there are legitimate sites on the internet that are specifically tailored towards people looking to cheat on their wives or husbands. I feel like Married11 should head over into that side of the dark web.

The Foot Fetish King

sorry to bother you
Instagram | @mallorybriann

Not every couple is looking at each other’s feet as the anchor to their relationship. But, it’s more common then most people think to have a foot fetish. In fact, it’s one of the most common fetishes you’ll find.

They don’t even have to be clean, some people with the fetish say that they can literally be sweaty and nasty. This guy is just going straight for the toe picture, and hopefully, it worked out for him.

Moving Too Fast

how can you really like someone
Instagram | @_justjami

We all have that friend that moves way too fast into relationships and falls in love incredibly quickly. They’re the ones who meet someone at a bar and go home and tell their parents that they’ve found the one.

This conversation perfectly sums up what happens when you move at light speed and your new crush is a turtle. Hey, we have to give this guy some mad respect for shooting his shot here.

That’s Devastating News

out here making friend
Twitter / @decentbirthday

This is like when your crush says to a group of people “no one likes me, or pays attention to me” and then you message them and they’re not interested. It’s a different level of rejection and heartbreak. This person wants you to text them, they have their number on the back of their car, and they still don’t want to hang out with you.

It’s conversations like these that ensure that I have trust issues for the rest of my life.

Thanks, Kanye

kanye tweet
Twitter / @sugarsiah

There are many reasons to ignore the advice that Kanye gives, but this might be the biggest one. This girl tried to text her ex and it backfired significantly. Not only does he not like her, but he also doesn’t think she’s even a human.

I mean, that’s kind of cool to be seen as some sort of alien sent from a different planet specifically to ruin the lives of your exes, but he’s giving her too much credit.

Well This Is A Massive YIKES

this is allowed
Twitter / @sandyzmind

You know how when you were younger and your parents told you not to get into cars with strangers? Well, our generation has thrown that idea out the window with the invention of Uber.

Not only do they drive us from point A to point B, but they also have access to our phone number. Uber drivers shoot their shot more than we think. This one caught feelings on the 14 minute trip with Sandy and it’s hilarious.