Where do I even being with first dates? They’re awkward, uncomfortable, and usually pretty boring. A “good” first date just means you didn’t fall asleep and you didn’t fully embarrass yourself and the rest of your family.
Shockingly, but not at all, there are more bad first dates than good ones. That sucks if you’re the one on the date, but it’s awesome to hear about. The bad first date stories in this article are hilarious and cringe-worthy so just be happy you’re sitting at your computer and not out on the town suffering like these people.
And So It Begins…
I think each and every one of us at some point has had an awkward dating encounter.
Even if you haven’t been on a date before, you’ve probably seen an awkward first date while you were out to eat or something. They happen ALL too often and we’re so thankful for it.
That Didn’t Go As Planned
This is why I’m afraid of dogs. You never know how they feel about you. Do they think you’re an intruder? Do they want to rip your arm off?
You don’t know the answer to these questions until it’s too late and you’re in a hospital gurney with dog bites all over you.
A Family Affair
Well, that’s one way to meet the family. That’s so awkward because you barely even know the girl you’re going on a first date with and now you know her entire family.
I guess no fake yawning that turns into putting your arm around her halfway through the movie? That’d be awkward.
Pop Sock And Drop It
For any of you who don’t know what a pop socket is, it’s basically a lift for your phone.
If someone is conceded enough to get their picture on one of those, who knows what they’re willing to put their face on. The natural next step is underwear I’m pretty sure.
15 Minute Increments
You know what? I kind of back this. The whole 15-minute increments thing is great if your first date is going horribly and you’re looking for a way out.
Instead of having to wait for an entire movie to finish, you just have to wait for the next 15 minutes before you leave.
The Worst Case Scenario
There’s nothing worse than being on a date only to find out they have NO alcohol that you like.
How are you supposed to be yourself when you don’t have at least one drink? You NEED something to take the edge off of how awkward every first date truly is.
I Have To Vacuum My Room
Oh boy, that is a power move. You know a date is going horribly when you can’t even sit through an entire Giants game.
The bulletproof excuse as to why you have to leave is that you need to vacuum your room. There is no better time to vacuum than at 11:30 pm so that you wake up everyone in the neighborhood.
Options On Options
Well, it’s nice to know whether someone has options or not. He got right to the point. He’s a businessman and is looking for a little bit of leverage in the relationship.
If you know that someone is getting pursued by other options, it adds a little bit of desperation to your game.
“Sorry, I Wasn’t Listening, What Was That?”
Look, the point of a first date is to let the other person get to know you a little bit. But, there is a line that can easily be crossed.
If you leave the date and literally know NOTHING about the person you were just sitting across from for three hours, you probably talked way too much.
The Sloppy Drunk
We all have that one friend who gets a little bit too sloppy when they drink. They’re the ones who claim they can drink about double of what their real tolerance is.
If you’re a lightweight, that’s fine. But be self-aware enough to know that you should probably take it REALLY easy on a first date.
Chivalry Is NOT Dead
People claim that chivalry is not dead, but I feel like it is. With that being said, the whole men having to take the bill every time is getting a little bit old.
I feel like he could’ve swallowed the $8 salad, but sometimes it’s like a $50 steak. That’s rough.
I don’t even know what I would do. I mean, it could be a lot worse. I don’t know how, but it could be.
At least it’s your brother and you’re familiar with him. That doesn’t take away from the cringe-worthy reason you’re both at a table sitting across from each other.
It’s always risky to be going to an expensive restaurant on a first date. So much can go wrong and yet you’ll still be left with a fat bill at the end of it.
Going to a cheap place to grab food takes that risk away completely. I agree with this move.
The Feminism Card
At the root of the word feminist, it’s just calling for equal rights and treatment for men and women. I mean, who couldn’t get behind that?
But, it gets confusing because there’s like four or five tiers of feminism that all stand for different things. It’s so confusing. We need to simplify it.
Run As Fast As You Can
What do you do in that situation? On one hand, you don’t want to show that you’re absolutely mortified. But, on the other, you’re absolutely mortified.
If you have to roll out of a moving car, I hear it’s best to belly flop. Don’t take me on my word for it though.
Don’t Go There
Men can be incredibly ignorant to how women operate and it’s kind of hilarious. If someones favorite color is red, it’s not because she like having her period.
If she likes red salsa, it’s not because she gets her period. If she likes tomato sauce on her pasta, it’s not because she’s on her period.
No, BEST First Date
Not going to lie, if you’re going to watch a movie, why not Arby’s? I mean, you have a bunch of cheap food for when you’re hungry. You’re surrounded by people.
The chairs aren’t all that comfy, but if you bring a pillow and a blanket it’s basically like heaven. Maybe my bar is too low.
A True Love Story
It’s very important to always look for the best in a situation. If you’re on a first date and get ditched, look for another single person and keep the night going.
That’s exactly what this girl did and it ended up working out perfectly for her. Love to hear these stories.
This is like The Hunger Games. You have to fight for the right to date this girl. None of this is going to come easy. She’s going to put you through some very intense dating games.
I don’t know about you, but I want to be a fly on the wall to this date.
If you know your husband is a taxi driver, why would you ever take a taxi? If you were dedicated to cheating, you should walk, or drive, or even bike.
The last thing you should do is get into a cab. If you husband doesn’t pick you up, your husband’s friend will.