Sure, there are lots of fish in the sea, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll enjoy how they all taste. Please take that in the least sexual way, please. What I mean to say is that while there are many girls out there, most of them aren’t right for you. It’s hard to find the “one” who checks all of the ‘wifey material’ boxes.
If you’re struggling to keep a longterm girlfriend, you came to the right place. This article highlights the stuff that you should be looking for in a wife, so, you’re welcome.
Get You A Girl That Can EAT
None of this salad with light dressing stuff. Get you a girl who can down 28 breadsticks in one sitting. Get you someone who will order a steak AND get mushroom gravy on their potatoes.
A lot of girls say that carbs are the enemy. No, carbs are what makes a girl wifey material.
Start Classy End Trashy
Life is boring if you don’t get a girl with a trashy side. If she’s always classy and straight-edged, then you’re not going to have too much fun.
Finding a girl that can balance high heels and alcohol is tough, but it can be done. Just look our friend in this picture. Those Pringles don’t stand a chance.
That’s A Low Bar
This might be a bit controversial, but I feel like she can do better than this. She could at least ask for McDonald’s or Wendy’s fries, which are WAY more tasty.
While there’s nothing wrong with KFC fries, I would argue that they’re closer to 5th on the fast food fries list.
We’ll Forgive Her Crabby-ness
If you’re going to be with someone for the rest of your life, at least make every day interesting. Most relationships end in divorce because the couple ends up getting bored with each other.
I don’t know about you, but whoever wifes up this girl won’t have to worry about her being too boring, that’s for sure.
Yes, This Is What You Think It Is
Let’s face it, for a long time it was always up to the men to do the dirty jobs and the women to be the quarterback of the house.
But, thankfully those stereotypes are out the window. There’s nothing wrong with getting a girl who isn’t afraid of getting down and dirty, as seen in this picture.
None Of That Vodka Soda Stuff
A girl who is wifey material can not only hang with the guys at a party or tailgate, but can be a leader.
She’s the first one to grab the funnel and down a Miller Lite, and she’s the first one to jump off of the truck and crush a plastic table in half.
She Has (Video) Game(s)
There’s nothing worse than hanging out with someone who isn’t invested in a video game with you. They constantly complain about how boring it is to watch blah blah blah.
If you can scoop up a girl who loves video games as much as you do, you’ve officially hit the jackpot.
This Is Way More Practical Anyway
Can we just discuss the fact that flowers are pointless and a waste of money? You literally can’t do anything but stare at them for a few days before they die.
Instead, get you a girl who enjoys this table dressing. It’s got everything — whisky, rum, and cigars. I don’t know about you, but this is absolutely stunning.
She’s Dedicated To The Cause
Someone who is wifey material NEEDS to be dedicated to your relationship. If you’re doing long distance, you don’t want to have to worry about her losing interest in you, or worse.
This guy will never have to worry about that. A girl who is willing to fly JUST to deliver your favorite pizza is next level dedicated.
Blame It On The A-A-A-A-LCOHOL
Apologizing is a tough thing to do. You have to swallow your pride and basically admit that you were wrong.
This girlfriend got blackout and decided to go full UFC on her boyfriend. Honestly, she could’ve broken one of his legs, but if she made bacon in the morning then all is forgiven.
Is A Dad Joke A Day Too Much To Ask?
I’m someone who enjoys a good dad joke every once in a while. They’re light-hearted, often unfunny and cringe, but it’s the thought that counts.
If she can crack up a few dad jokes every week then it will at least keep the relationship interesting. It’s a good skill for a wife to have.
Making Light Of A Dark Time
If you have IBS or know someone who has IBS, then you’re aware that it’s not a good time. You end up spending more quality time with the toilet than you do with your significant other.
If she can make little gestures like this that make light of the dark times, she’s a keeper.
Just Your Daily Reminder
If she can stay with you even after getting dutch oven’d (if you don’t know what that is, Google it) on a regular basis, then she’s wifey material.
She isn’t going to let you get away with it fully, though. She reminds you daily of all the hardships she has to get over just to remain in the relationship.
Couples That Costume Together, Stay Together
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that your wife should compliment you very well. If she’s not willing to do a couple’s costume even ONCE, then you might have a bit of a problem.
The Ash and Pikachu duo is iconic and they pull off the costume quite nicely. This deserves some kind of badge.
Someone Help Me Find This Girl
This would be the best grocery store trip of all time. There’s nothing quite like the innocence of puppies. If your girlfriend would rather get 15 pups instead of having a kid, then you should take that deal.
Just think about all the perks of dogs over children. They’re endless.
Get You A Girl Who Can Do Both
It’s like finding a needle in a haystack, but if you do find you a girl who can be both cool and popular, you jump on that opportunity.
Not only that, but this girl can take care of a new born AND blow up her ex’s house without even blinking. She seems lit, both figuratively and literally.
Pillow Forts For The Win
If she’s willing to build a pillow fort with you AND sleep in it afterward, she’s a winner. If you can remember how exhilarating it was to build them at a sleepover with your friends, you know this is the sign of a keeper.
Fort building is a skill that many of us lose as we hit teenage hood and it’s actually tragic.
If She Can Bake, That Helps Too
Baking is extremely difficult. You need an insane amount of patience to even begin to think about baking a cake. Anyone who is willing to do this for you is someone you need to keep around for a long time.
As someone who loves peanut butter cups, this cake is bringing me new life.
Another Day Another Bacon Bribe
Just when you feel like love doesn’t exist anymore, you can take a look at this picture and feel rejuvenated.
It’s safe to say that you can basically commit any crime, but as long as you leave a piece of crunchy bacon at the scene, you’ll get acquitted. Bacon is the key to being in a long-term relationship.
Gourmet Is Just A State Of Mind
Get you someone who doesn’t want to eat out at a restaurant that costs you $400 for a house salad. Eating gourmet is just a state of mind and it all goes to the same place anyway.
You might as well have a dinner for two for $20 and spend the rest on the ring you’re going to have to get her.