Even though men and women have been co-existing for the entirety of time, there’s still plenty men don’t understand about women and vice-versa. It’s not that we don’t WANT to know, it’s that sometimes men just don’t have the capacity to understand. Sure, not every dude is going to want to know how to maneuver successfully through Sephora, but most at least want to try.
This article is going to show you a bunch of guys who try to understand what their girlfriend is saying, but it’s too much to comprehend.
How Dare You?
When girls start talking about makeup, get ready for some wild conversation. There’s nothing that gets them more excited and amped up than talking about different types of blush and contour styles.
To the naked eye these are the same colors, but to a girl, these are VERY different shades of lipstick. The one on the right is probably Valentine’s Day red, while the one of the left is more of a blood red. Don’t you dare mix them up.
It’s Just Selfish
Can we all come to terms with that fact that people who say “I don’t care” or “doesn’t matter to me” when asked where they want to eat, or what they want to eat, are just selfish? They’re going to say that they’re “easygoing” but that’s just not the case.
All they’re doing is protecting themselves from rejection when the food at the place they want to go to turns out bad. This is the right play.
This Is HER Day
For any guy who’s getting married, I hope you know that this isn’t your day. It never has been, it never will be. This is HER day. It’s her day to bring all her “girlfriends” from high school, college, and work with the intention of dressing them up in an outfit SHE likes.
It’s almost an act of revenge for all the times that her bridesmaids didn’t like her outfit growing up. Now, they are forced to be sheep and wear whatever she chooses.
I Can’t Unsee It
No matter how hard I try, I’m never going to be able to un-see this. All I can picture is a girl just fully ‘Bird Boxing’ her way into the bathroom and backing it up into the toilet. Without vetting whether the toilet seat is there, she just takes a plunge.
There’s no appropriate way to get yourself out of a toilet. There’s no handbook or class you can take that allows you to look graceful through the process.
Always Apologize In Advance
It’s very important to learn to apologize in advance. Don’t just apologize when you’ve done something wrong, apologize when you’ve done something right too. Words usually aren’t enough, so if you can trek to the local bakery and get her a cake with a heartwarming apology, do that too.
If you did something right and you’re still apologizing, she’ll probably say “aw, you don’t have to apologize,” which is when you double down on your apology.
It’s Sophie’s Choice
When you get into a relationship, you can kiss any sense of being right goodbye. It’s over for you, man. Every question has a specific answer that she wants to hear, and even if you give her that answer, you probably said it in the wrong tone.
Dino, when she asks what you want for dinner, you know the answer is always “whatever you want, sweetie.” Answering with “lasagna” has never worked.
Pregnancy Cravings Are WILD
This is something no guy will ever be able to understand. The idea of having pregnancy cravings is absolutely absurd. Girls who don’t like pickles will just straight up drink pickle juice out of the jar like water.
Heck, girls who don’t like ice cream will eat an entire tub of it in one sitting while using a pickle as their spoon. We can’t explain it, and never will be able to.
Life’s About Resource Management
There are many skills that you need to learn in order to be successful in life. One of the most overlooked ones is resource management. If you can make the most out of what’s around you, you’re in good shape for the future.
This guy looked in his girlfriend’s closet and didn’t just see a bra, he saw a sleep aid. It’s little things like this that go a long way.
Men And Women Speak Different Languages
Men and women speak different languages. If you don’t believe me, just send a guy into a makeup store and watch him squirm with confusion. My best guess is that he’s going to come out of it knowing at least 16 different terms.
The same goes for a girl who isn’t into sports. If you send her to a sporting event she’s going to be incredibly confused about the whole situation.
Take What You Can Get
This is another example of the benefits of having resource management skills. Your girl may use this as underwear, but it can save you from having to buy a ninja costume for ComicCon next year.
These are the little things that you have to think about. That’s one of the scariest ninja face masks of all time. He probably shouldn’t think about going into a bank with that on. Things could get awkward.
“Getting Ready” Means Very Different Things
When a guy tells you that he’s getting ready, it means he’s showering, maybe brushing his teeth and then putting his clothes on. That’s not the case for a girl. If she says she’s “getting ready” you might as well fly across the world, stay in a hotel for a couple of days, fly back home and then MAYBE she’ll be “finishing up.”
The amount of mental and sometimes physical stress girls put on themselves is astounding.
The Combinations Are Like Sudoku Puzzles
There are so many rules when it comes to a girl’s outfit. None of them apply to men who can basically wear un-matching socks and underwear to even the most expensive restaurants.
But, girls have these weird rules. Like, WHY can’t you wear black nail polish with white shoes? What’s the offense there? It looks perfectly fine. Who came up with this rule? My guess is that it was someone from The Addam’s Family.
It’s A Weird Competition
This happens a bit with guys, but mostly with girls on social media. There’s this competition to always look put together and have the happiest “fake social media” life. This girl is proving my point exactly.
Girls are willing to risk getting poison ivy all over their body i it means that they’re going to have a picture that gets their somewhat friends to double-tap. Call me old fashion, but this is getting out of hand.
It doesn’t matter what she’s going through, she’s probably going to take it out on you. That’s not an observation, that’s a fact. But, if you’re equipped with the right knowledge, you’ll know how to make her happy.
No, she doesn’t want diamonds. No, she doesn’t want flowers. Yes, she does want to go to Waffle House at 2am and order one million pancakes. There’s nothing wrong with that, just let it happen.
The Variety Is Insane
Here’s a simple tip for boyfriends out there: don’t go shopping for something your girlfriend wants. You’re going to fail. If she sends you for some simple black leggings, it seems easy enough. That is, until you get there.
Look at this conversation. It perfectly sums up the experience because it’s impossible to have an easy purchase. Everything has to have six different slight variations with different pros and cons.
Any Place Can Be A Throne
Why do girls feel the need to turn even the most gnarly places into a prime photoshoot location? This girl is literally holding a roll of toilet paper as if it’s some piece of gold that everyone envies?
Can someone please tell her that SHE’S SITTING ON A TOILET? This mindset is very odd to a guy but seems very normal for a girl. Why is that? There’s no right or wrong answer.
Another Day, Another Pregnancy Craving
This is so foreign to any dude out there, which is why we need to spend two pages on it. This is a pregnant girlfriend and her cravings. She ate these every day. Her stomach must’ve been so confused for those nine months.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that beef jerky and Girl Scout cookies should never be in the same gulp down your throat.
The Whole Makeup Complex
It is really tough for a guy to understand why girls feel the need to spend forty hours a week putting their makeup on. Guys will barely shower, give themselves a finger gun into the mirror and we’re out the door.
Girls have six steps of putting makeup on. Each step takes about 40 minutes each and they need the precision of a surgeon to get their face on straight.
“It’s The Thought That Counts”
It’s incredibly stressful going out and buying flowers for your girlfriend. You never know what kind of flowers she’s going to want, or what flowers are even romantic to get. This guy, uh, failed in his attempt. But, in his defense, he did her a favor.
Look, there needs to be some sense talked into people who like getting flowers. Why? So they can sit in front of you and die in a week? Why not get lettuce that you can actually put on a BLT?
There’s A Deeper Meaning
Again, it’s the thought that counts with this. If there are a few pistachios in the jar, just be happy. Let’s assume that he made this with the shells that he picked up from the beach.
Yes, he probably also spit some pistachio shells in there too, but that’s a sign that he loves you. He wanted a piece of himself to be in that jar as well. You just have to look at the deeper meaning ladies.