Remember when you were a kid and could get away with threatening Santa Claus with death if he didn’t bring you the gift you wanted? Or, remember being able to tell your crush that she needs to date you or else there will be consequences without getting arrested on the spot?
Those were the days. Yes, kids are for the most part innocent, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t extremely inappropriate by accident. The kids in this article are making their parents proud by winning the award for Most Savage, Gross, Weird, And Disturbing Child at the Kiddy Awards this year. Do yourself a favor and look at these future artists at work.
These Aren’t Empty Threats
Can you really blame this kid for being frustrated that Santa has failed to bring the pony EVERY year? The Christmas list that kids send to the North Pole isn’t supposed to be a recommendation list, it’s a mandatory list.
Santa better proceed with caution when he comes down this kid’s chimney. They might be waiting with a baseball bat ready to talk mafia-style. Don’t test your luck, Santa, just don’t.
The Classic Wine Mom
This drawing is probably more common than you can even imagine. If you didn’t have a wine mom yourself, you probably know about one. She’s the mom that drinks Pinot in the morning instead of coffee.
She’s the one that can never drive any time past noon, and her balance has never been a strong skill for hers. She’s the mom that can either cry because she dropped an apple, or laugh because she dropped an apple if she’s had a few too many.
The teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their parents in their natural habitat. This is just asking for some very, uh, interesting drawings. This one is showing a mom relieving herself after going to Chipotle.
This is probably going to be the most relatable picture you’re going to see in this article. You and I both know that eating at Chipotle also means that you’re not going to be leaving the bathroom for a few decades.
That Went Zero To 100
I don’t know who Valerie is, or what she did, but I do know that she needs to stay away from the “artist” who drew this picture. Also, I don’t want to ring any alarm bells, but there’s a new Jeffrey Dahmer documentary and the whole “spotting a serial killer early” thing is weighing heavily on our society.
I’m not about to say that this picture has any indication that this kid might grow up to be violent, but, uh, nevermind.
When Dad Gets You Skittles Instead Of M&M’s
As a little kid, the smallest inconveniences are earth-shattering. If you’re not allowed to just buy a horse, you’re incredibly angry for the rest of the day. If your friend accidentally stepped on your foot and didn’t apologize, that friendship is over.
But the worst is when your parents bring you home something they think you’ll like, but you don’t. This girl wanted M&Ms but got Skittles instead. She was so distraught she had to draw a threatening picture of her dad, who will now never make that mistake again.
Ain’t That The Truth
If you’re an only child, you might not be able to relate to this, but bear with me. This older sister drew a picture of herself giving her little sister up to the aliens. If you have siblings and you haven’t thoroughly planned out a way to get rid of your brothers or sisters, you are probably the annoying sibling that everyone wanted gone.
The alien invasion is a great option because there will be no trace, and you’ll literally never have to see her again.
“What Are You Thinking About, Johnny?”
Being a kid is really funny and bizarre at the same time. You never appreciate how much you could get away with when you were younger until you’re an adult. For example, if an adult drew this picture, I can assure you that they’d be the next person on the TV show Intervention.
But, this is just the regular things that kids think about while they pretend that they’re paying attention in math class.
Planning In The Near Future
For whatever reason, we never think someone is going to die. They could be 107 years old and we just expect them to “still have 10 years left” in their life. It’s important to prepare for the days that your loved ones are going to die.
This kid has matured very well and is years ahead of his time. He knows granny is going to croak soon and this is the way he’s going to show her that he’ll be alright.
Okay, Grude Alert Grudge Alert
I’m not a parent so I don’t know, but what do you do if your kid draws this? I’ll tell you right now, I’m driving to the nearest Shaman, priest, rabbi, genie in a bottle and everything else spiritual to come and bless my child.
It’s one thing to be haunted by a demon, it’s another thing to be haunted by a demon in a top hat. That is wrong on so many levels.
Evan Gets The Secret
Evan perfectly encapsulated how mommy and daddy have been able to survive through 25 years of marriage. When daddy lets one rip, mommy’s heart skips a beat. As a dude, there’s nothing better than knowing that you can be yourself around your significant other.
When you have to hold in some gas every time you’re around her, you aren’t yourself. You hold back when you’re on the brink of an explosion while pretending to enjoy watching The Bachelor.
It’s Raining Curling Rocks
Yes, this little kid drew the raindrops to look like, well, I don’t need to elaborate. But, if we can PG this down a little bit more, they also look like curling rocks. Yes, this is an obscure reference for the fifteen people in the world who actually watch the sport of curling.
Yes, it’s a sport, it’s in the Olympics. Either way, if it’s raining curling rocks or the other “thing” it’s not good.
This Is Straight Facts
Sometimes it takes the mind of a little kid to point out the obvious. Sometimes the truth can be painful, like when your kid says that he can see the reflection of the sun beaming off your head.
Or, it can be as innocent as giving an overlooked benefit of dinosaurs coming back. Yes, we’d get eaten alive at every turn, but we would have so much more opportunity to sit. We wouldn’t have to rely on benches.
Slight Choking Hazard
Dad might want to reconsider who his favorite kid is. I’m not saying this kid saw the life insurance policy, but I think he saw the life insurance policy. He calculated it out and apparently, it can buy him 3000 hover-boards and 70 trips to Disneyland all by himself.
I don’t mean to be Guy Fieri or anything, but it’ll probably taste better if you just melt the Lego pieces for about 30 seconds and then spread it around.
Well, That Took A Wild Turn
The fact that this kid even knows the Kardashians is incredibly sad, to begin with. Those Kardashian Lip Kit’s must make their way down to three-year-olds because there’s NOTHING those girls do that’s especially kid-friendly.
It’s kind of funny that out of every story this kid could draw, he drew the Hulk smashing two reality stars into each other. I guess that’s just a testament of the times we’re living in.
Setting The Bar Low
There’s nothing wrong with setting the bar low with your aspirations. You’re only going to disappoint yourself if you have unrealistic goals like being an astronaut or doctor.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a mailbox. In fact, you’re probably going to be the only human mailbox in the world, so there will probably be a lot of business. Cut out a unique path for yourself and just go for it.
It’s really hard as a parent to get your kid to think about safety before they do something. Like, Billy, if you jump off of that trampoline into a cactus plant, it’s probably going to hurt. Yes, it’ll make your friends laugh for three seconds, but it’s not worth it.
This kid, on the other hand, has it all together. He’s not risking an injury if he’s in a car accident. In fact, he wouldn’t even feel it with this setup.
To Each Their Own
Most little kids have a special toy that they like to keep around. Usually, that toy has some specific characteristics like being very cuddly, soft, cute etc. Well, this little girl has other ideas and isn’t someone who likes to follow trends.
She’s well on her way to becoming the Wicked Witch of the West and befriending a scary owl that looks like it’s staring through your soul. To each their own, I guess.
Can’t Say “No” To The Money
It’s hard to say no to stripper money. There’s going to come a time when working as a stripper is going to stop being taboo and educated women are going to start doing it. There’s no shame in having a mom that’s a stripper and this kid is screaming it from the mountaintops.
Having pride in your family is something that doesn’t come easy, but clearly comes very easily for this little girl.
Quite The Greeting
This card is perfectly nice and thoughtful until you realize what the drawing is doing. Yes, the kid is not only flipping off his mom with one hand, but he’s giving her the double duty.
There’s no level of hate that I can think of that would warrant me to exert the double hand middle finger. This card is sending some very mixed signals and it’s incredibly confusing but I love it.
Go Daddy Go!
Someone needs to tell this kid that his dad truly does appreciate the support. Sometimes it’s nice to be cheered on instead of doing all the cheering. Like, his dad is probably at every baseball, football, and basketball game this kid has, so the least his son can do is give a little of it back.
Just because dads are old, it doesn’t mean that they stop doing activities like, uh, wrestling. This kind of support should be universal.